I am not one to order magazines. I don’t know why, but the only times I really
read them is in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. So, imagine my surprise when magazines start
showing up at my house. Perhaps a bit naively,
I thought since we recently moved, we were getting a free magazine in
the hopes of liking it enough to subscribe.
Yeah, I have no idea where that came from, especially since it has never
happened in the many, many times I have moved.
Did I mention I am married to the military? I have moved a few times.
By the
time the fifth different magazine showed up, I was starting to take
notice. I asked my daughter if I had inadvertently
signed up for magazine subscriptions as part of a school fundraiser, and simply
forgotten. She looked at me like I was
crazy, which for a thirteen year old is a daily, if not hourly, occurrence. When she added the, “Uh, no…” complete with
attitude, I knew it must be coming from somewhere else. However, I went about my daily activities,
and forgot about the Great Magazine Mystery for a while.
When I
received the first invoice, for Maxim
by the way, I decided this was more than a mystery, and was potentially a big mistake. So, I called Maxim and informed them that we had not ordered the magazine. Yes, this was after I tossed the invoice
across the desk at my husband, followed by some alliteration of, “What is this
exactly?” I am not 100% sure, but I feel
there may have been an “F” bomb dropped, and a slightly accusatory tone. As I said, I could just be recalling that
incorrectly. In all seriousness, if he
had wanted that magazine, he would have told me he ordered it; but he is not a magazine guy, either, so it just did not fit.
Paige
at Maxim was very nice, and
apologized for the mistake, and immediately cancelled the subscription. I asked how it was they got my husband’s
name and address, and with a few clicks of the mouse, and some jostling between
computer screens, I was told that an insert card was filled out and mailed in.
Ah, the
magazine insert card. I wondered if
people actually used those or not. They
are completely annoying when you are trying to flip through the pages (while
waiting to be called by the nurse); there are at least half a dozen per
magazine! They scatter all over the
floor, and make quite the mess!
The
following day’s mail had two more invoices, which meant two more phone calls in order to
cancel, and two more inquiries as to how they got my name. The same answer was given. I see a pattern! As of today, I have 10 magazines that have
been ordered on my behalf, without my authorization.
So, let’s
revisit the insert card. I did not know,
until I asked, that when one sends in an insert card, it is scanned and “attached”
to the subscriber’s order number. Imagine
my surprise when I was told that I could receive a copy of the insert card
simply by faxing a written request to the company. Yes!
Now we are getting somewhere. I
feel like Paul Drake, you know, except that I am female, not investigating a
murder (yet), and well, living. (For
those of you that do not know who Paul Drake is, you are too young. Grow up and watch some vintage Perry Mason). At any rate, I started trying to figure out
who would be sending in the inserts in my name. It was not difficult to come up with a list.
Two
people stand out in my mind. In true
Paul Drake/Perry Mason fashion, both have motive, means, and opportunity to
commit the crime. And before you ask
yourself “crime?” – yes, crime. The
minute the perp (notice the use of police vernacular there? Pretty impressive, huh?) placed the
unauthorized card in the U.S. Mail, it became mail fraud, which, for those who
are keeping up, is a federal offense.
So, back to the alleged perpetrators of this fraud against us. My husband and I are both on our second go
around in marriage. Neither of us is on
very good terms with our exes. We have
both endured years of harassment from these two people, to include being
investigated online, obtaining personal medical information, and the two of
them deciding to strike up a friendship and share private information, which is
then used against us in a myriad of venues.
So motive is met as they seem hell bent on
harassing us for sport.
Means
and opportunity really go hand-in-hand.
The ex-wife and the ex-husband’s live-in girlfriend are both …wait for
it…nurses! As I explained earlier,
doctor’s offices have many magazines, all filled with insert cards. I mean, I guess I understand how it could
happen. There must be some downtime at
the office, and perhaps they have to tidy up the waiting area, which means
picking up the insert cards that have fallen out of the magazines, and sit on
the floor. Maybe there was a spark of “brilliance”
and one decided that it would be really funny to put our names on some of them
and send them in.
Funny....
I am
not laughing right now, but I do expect to be ROTFLMAO within 4-6 weeks.
To be continued…..
